Category: Writers Block
This is the biginnings of a story im writing. I want ideas!!!!
“You hide first, and we’ll look for you,” said Jackie.
“Okay,” replied Lizzy. Jackie and Jessie, Jackie’s friend, waited. Then…
“Ahhhhhh” The scream rang threw the park, AND STARTLED Jackie and Jessie. They began to race around the park, searching for their friend who they thought had screeched.
Finally, coming to the conclusion that Lizzy was only trying to frighten them, they began to play.
They were having so much fun, that they forgot about where Lizzy had gone to. They played for almost three hours, and never got bored for a second. But after about three-and-a-half hours, they remembered that Lizzy had somehow escaped their detection and gone home. Then each of the girls paused in what they were doing, and thought.
“Do you think that she was kidnapped,” asked Jessie questioningly.
“Maybe. Kidnappers can be sly,” answered Jacky in a nervous voice.
Then, they both decided to sit in the toy car in the playground, and talk about it.
As they sat down, they began to talk. They talked for another three hours.
When their long discussion was over, it was six O'clock.
After they looked at the time, they decided that Lizzy had indeed tricked them somehow, and gone back home.
But next day, Lizzy did not return to school.
This surprised her friends, because Lizzy loved it.
“Something doesn’t feel right here,” whispered Jessie during math class.
When the school day came to an end, the two girls went home and tried to call Lizzy. She wasn’t in the house.
Lizzy didn’t come back to school the next day, nor the day after.
After a week, Jacky and Jessie came to the empty school playground, and sat down in the jeep for another long talk.
But no sooner had they taken the weight off their feet, than the car began to rise!
Jacky and Jessie screamed in fright. The jeep rose sixty, seventy, eighty feet in to the air, continuing to gain on the high mountains.
Show's potential but is rushed. Take more time and the result will be a very good story, not just a good story. I don't want to sound like an English teacher, so i'll shut up now.
i agree this shows potential but certainly comes over a little rushed! Also I personally would like to see some background to set the scene, not just dive straight into a scene in the park! however, it's promising!
It's more like an outline to me. We don't need a shopping list, miss, thanks!